Understanding Our Emotional Wellbeing
Created for Connection:
Exploring our emotional needs, the impact of trauma, and the steps that can help us move towards healing and hope.
At Lampstand, we believe every person is created with value, purpose and the need for meaningful connection. Emotional wellbeing is not simply about avoiding difficult feelings or always feeling happy. It is about understanding ourselves, recognising our needs and having the right support around us.
Life can bring experiences that leave us feeling overwhelmed, disconnected or exhausted. For those who have experienced trauma, abuse, loss or difficult seasons, emotional wellbeing can sometimes feel difficult to reach.
It is important to remember that experiencing a range of emotions does not mean something is wrong with us. Emotions are part of being human. They often tell us something about what we have experienced, what we need, and what we may be carrying.
Instead of asking:
“Why am I feeling this way?”
A helpful question may be:
“Does my response make sense considering what I have been through?”
Understanding ourselves with compassion is often the beginning of healing.
Our Emotional Needs Matter
Every person has emotional needs that help us feel secure, connected and able to flourish. When these needs are recognised and supported, we are more likely to experience emotional wellbeing.
Some of our emotional needs include:
Connection and belonging – knowing we are accepted, valued and not alone
Safety and security – having stability and a sense of protection
Being heard and understood – having relationships where we can be ourselves
Purpose and meaning – knowing our life has value and direction
Achievement and growth – recognising our strengths and progress
Healthy boundaries and personal space – having time to reflect and recharge
Choice and control – feeling we have a voice in our own lives
Healthy relationships and intimacy – experiencing trust, care and respect
When these needs go unmet for long periods, it can affect how we think, feel and respond to the world around us.
Sometimes caring for ourselves means doing something new. Other times it means slowing down, releasing pressure and allowing ourselves to receive support.
We Were Created for Connection
One of the greatest needs we have as human beings is connection.
We were not created to walk through life alone.
Safe and healthy relationships can bring encouragement, comfort and a sense of belonging. A conversation with someone who listens, a supportive community, or simply knowing someone cares can make a significant difference.
For many people who have experienced trauma, trusting others again can take time. Healing often begins in places where people feel safe, respected and accepted.
At Lampstand, we believe community matters. We believe people need more than crisis support; they need compassion, connection and opportunities to rebuild their lives.
The Strengths We Carry Within Us
Every person has strengths and resources that can help them navigate life’s challenges.
These may include:
Creativity and imagination
Memories and life experiences
The ability to reflect and learn
Emotional awareness
Problem-solving abilities
Intuition and inner understanding
The ability to observe and make choices
Sometimes difficult experiences, especially trauma, can make it harder to access these strengths. However, they are still part of who we are.
Healing is often about rediscovering the strengths that have always been there.
When Barriers Affect Our Wellbeing
There are times when barriers can make it difficult to feel emotionally well.
These barriers may include:
1. Patterns We Have Learned
Our experiences shape the way we see ourselves, others and the world around us.
Sometimes the ways we have learned to cope helped us survive difficult situations. However, some patterns that protected us in the past may become unhelpful later in life.
Recognising these patterns can help us begin to make different choices.
2. Trauma and Painful Experiences
Trauma can affect the way we think, feel and respond. Experiences such as abuse, neglect, loss or fear can leave lasting impacts on our emotional wellbeing.
Healing from trauma takes time. It often requires patience, compassion and the support of others.
3. The Environment Around Us
Our surroundings can have a significant impact on how we feel.
Loneliness, financial pressure, unsafe relationships, stress or lack of support can all create barriers to wellbeing.
Some challenges we can change ourselves. Others require support, community and people willing to walk alongside us.
Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It is a step towards healing.
Gentle Ways To Support Your Wellbeing
Small steps can create moments of peace, connection and restoration.
Some things that may help include:
Spending time outdoors and connecting with nature
Listening to music that brings comfort and joy
Creative activities such as art, writing or crafts
Talking with someone safe and trusted
Prayer, reflection and time with God
Creating gentle routines that bring stability
Moving our bodies through walking or other activities
Taking time to rest and care for ourselves
There is no single pathway to wellbeing. Everyone’s journey is different.
Time To Reflect
You may find these questions helpful:
What emotional needs in my life need more attention?
What helps me feel safe, valued and connected?
What strengths do I already carry?
Are there barriers that I need support to overcome?
Who can walk alongside me in this season?
Healing Happens Through Hope and Connection
At Lampstand, we understand that many people are rebuilding their lives after experiences that have caused deep hurt.
Recovery is not about becoming someone else. It is about rediscovering your worth, rebuilding trust, finding connection and recognising that your story is not finished.
We believe every person deserves compassion, dignity and the opportunity to flourish.
You do not have to walk alone.
Creating a Safety Plan: Preparing for Safer Choices
A guide for people experiencing domestic abuse, and those supporting someone they care about
When someone is experiencing abuse, it is important to remember that you cannot control another person’s actions or choices. However, you can take steps to increase your safety and prepare for different situations.
A safety plan is a personal plan designed around you, your circumstances and your needs. It can help you think ahead about what you might do if you feel unsafe, whether that is during an incident of abuse, when seeking support, or if you are considering leaving a relationship.
Having a plan does not mean you have to act on it immediately. It does not mean you have made a final decision. A safety plan simply gives you options and helps you feel more prepared.
If children are involved, planning can also help protect them and give them clear guidance about what to do if they feel frightened or unsafe.
Leaving Safely
For many people experiencing domestic abuse, the time when they leave or separate from an abusive partner can be a particularly high-risk period.
This does not mean someone should stay in an unsafe situation. It means that leaving should be carefully planned, where possible, with appropriate support around you.
You do not have to make decisions alone. Specialist domestic abuse services can help you explore your options and create a plan that considers your safety.
If You Are In Immediate Danger
If you or someone else is at immediate risk of harm, call 999.
If you cannot speak during a 999 call from a mobile phone, press 55 when prompted. This will let the operator know that you need help.
Questions To Help You Think Through Your Safety
Every situation is different. These questions may help you begin creating a plan:
Are there times, situations or behaviours that usually happen before abuse occurs?
Are there warning signs that help you recognise when a situation may become unsafe?
Is there someone you trust who knows what you are experiencing?
Could you create a safe word, phrase or signal that lets someone know you need help?
Are there trusted neighbours, friends or family members you could go to if you needed somewhere safe?
Could someone call the police if they hear shouting, threats or signs that you may be in danger?
Practical Steps That May Help
Keep Important Items Accessible
If you need to leave quickly, having essential items ready can make things easier.
Consider keeping items such as:
Phone and charger
Keys
Money or bank card
Identification documents
Medication
Important contact numbers
Essential items for children
Keep these somewhere safe and accessible if you need them quickly.
Store Important Numbers Safely
Keep a list of important contacts somewhere you can access safely.
This may include:
Your GP
Trusted friends or family members
Domestic abuse support services
Police domestic abuse team
Social worker or support worker
If it is safe to do so, save important numbers under a name that would not raise concern if someone else saw your phone.
Support Children To Stay Safe
Children can often sense when something is wrong. Where appropriate, help children understand what they can do if they feel frightened.
This may include:
Teaching them how to call 999
Helping them remember their address
Explaining that their priority is to get somewhere safe, not to intervene
Reassuring them that abuse is never their fault
Identify Safer Places
If you notice a situation becoming unsafe, try to move towards a safer area if possible.
Safer places are usually areas where:
You can leave easily
Other people are nearby
There are fewer objects that could be used to cause harm
Try to avoid areas such as kitchens, garages or rooms where there may be weapons or items that could be used to hurt someone.
You Deserve Support
Creating a safety plan is not about living in fear. It is about recognising your right to safety, dignity and support.
At Lampstand, we understand that leaving or seeking help can feel overwhelming. We believe people deserve compassionate support, without judgement, while they make the choices that are right for them.
You do not have to face this alone.
If you are in immediate danger, call 999.
Safety Planning: Creating a Plan for Your Safety
A personal safety plan for people experiencing domestic abuse
At Lampstand Group, we understand that safety looks different for every person. If you are experiencing domestic abuse, coercive control, threats, intimidation or violence, having a safety plan can help you think through options and prepare for situations where you may need support.
A safety plan is not about blaming you or expecting you to predict someone else’s behaviour. Responsibility for abuse always lies with the person choosing to use abusive behaviour.
A safety plan is a personal tool to help you consider:
How you can increase your safety during an incident
Who you can contact for support
Where you could go if you need to leave
What important items you may need
How you can protect yourself and any children involved
Important: Your Safety Comes First
Before completing or printing this document, please consider your safety.
Think carefully about:
Who may have access to this information
Where you will store it
Whether it is safe to keep a printed copy
Whether someone else may see it on your phone, computer or email account
If it is not safe to keep this plan at home, consider storing it somewhere secure, such as with a trusted person or using a safe digital location.
Safety During an Abusive Incident
During an abusive incident, your priority is your safety. Every situation is different, and only you can decide what feels safest for you.
Some strategies you may wish to consider:
1. Planning an escape route
Think about possible ways you could leave your home safely.
Consider:
Which doors, windows or exits could you use?
Are there routes that avoid areas where you could become trapped?
Are there places nearby where you could go for help?
My possible escape routes:
I will take time to think about and practise how I could leave safely if I needed to.
2. Keeping essential items accessible
If it is safe to do so, consider keeping important items easy to access, such as:
Keys
Phone
Purse or wallet
Identification
Medication
Keeping these items in the same place may help you find them quickly in an emergency.
I could keep these items:
If possible, I may consider having spare keys stored somewhere safe.
3. Identifying safe people
If it is safe for me, I could tell trusted people about what is happening and ask them for support.
People I could speak to:
Support I could ask for:
This may include asking someone to:
Call for help if they hear or see something concerning
Provide somewhere safe to go
Keep important items for me
Support me emotionally
4. Children's safety
If children are involved, their safety is an important part of any safety plan.
Depending on their age and understanding, children may benefit from knowing:
How to get help
Who they can contact
Where they can go if they feel unsafe
That abuse is not their fault
A child should never be expected to intervene during violence.
A safety plan for my children:
5. Creating a code word
A code word can be agreed with trusted people so they understand when help is needed without making the situation more dangerous.
My code word:
People who know this code word:
6. Safe places I could go
If I needed to leave, places I could consider:
A place where I could make a phone call:
A place I could stay for a few hours:
A place I could stay overnight or longer:
7. Safer areas during an incident
During a violent incident, some areas of a home may carry greater risks.
If possible, consider moving towards areas:
With more than one exit
Away from potential weapons
Where other people may hear or see what is happening
Areas I may try to avoid:
Safer areas I could move towards:
8. Protecting yourself during conflict
People experiencing abuse often develop ways to survive and reduce harm during dangerous situations.
This may include:
Trying to keep someone calm
Avoiding arguments escalating
Agreeing with things to stay safe
Finding ways to leave safely
These responses are survival strategies.
However, responding physically to violence can sometimes increase risk or result in legal consequences. Your priority should always be protecting yourself and seeking support where possible.
9. Contacting emergency services
If you are in immediate danger, call:
Emergency services: 999
If you cannot speak safely during a 999 call from a mobile phone, you can press 55 when prompted.
Other important numbers:
Police:
Domestic abuse support:
Trusted person:
Call To Action
Warmest regards, Jennifer Hebert (Victim to Victor)
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One of the team will get back to you as soon as possible. Please note that this inbox is only monitored on weekdays from 9-5pm. If you need urgent help, please call the freephone 24-hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247 - the helpline is free and open 24/7. If you are in danger, call 999.
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The Lampstand Group in association with Hull and East Riding of Yorkshire is a registered charity in England 1210162
P0 Box (1,049), East Yorkshire, Hull, HU7 9EN